How to remove purple permanent ink marker from white plush carpet

Step 1. Admire your child's budding creativity, in spite of his vandalistic choice of medium.

Step 2. Remove Sharpie from child's hand. A common error during this step is to kill the child; make a careful effort to avoid doing so.

Step 3. Wash ink from child's hands and face. You may skip this step, but then add Step 9 at the end (wash purple handprints from floors, walls, and furniture).

Step 4. Get a dish towel and rubbing alcohol. Apply alcohol liberally to marker stains. Rub carpet. Eventually the stains will become a large faint purple blob.

Step 5. Spray stain remover on blob. Wait 10 minutes.

Step 6. Mix a bowl of laundry detergent and cold water. Scrub the stain until it's frothing white.

Step 7. Vacuum the carpet and let it dry. The carpet should look pretty good now. Understand, however, that for years afterward you will unavoidably notice this area and convince yourself that it's still slightly purple, regardless of whether it actually is.

Step 8. You didn't set the Sharpie back on the coffee table, did you?